Trans Awareness Week: How to be a Trans Ally

I’m Danica Lani, the King Coach known as Daddy Joy and the Mother of Drag Kings.  I’m a lesbian whose gender expression is bi-gender which means both or the ‘all of it.’ I have a female physical body and a male energetic body. I married a lesbian who is now nonbinary transmasc.

Here are my top 5 tips on How to be an ally for Trans Awareness Week.

  1. Know the difference between sex and gender.
  2. Understand that gender is not something to be afraid of. It’s something to play with.
  3. Give up the notion that you have any say at all over someone else’s gender journey or expression.
  4. Examine the binary of man and woman that you inherited. How has it constrained you?
  5. When someone else’s gender expression is not a threat to you, then things like committing to get someone’s pronouns right just as you would commit to getting their name right, or getting that when someone who was assigned male at birth and is now transfemme walks into the ‘women’s’ toilets is just as ‘not-man’ as you are and has most likely lived their life being not-man and never fully belonging as ‘man’ and that her existence is not a threat to you.
And finally what if your capacity to allow someone else’s self-expression is directly correlated to how self-expressed you can be? In other words, if you can’t allow others to be expressed around you, then you will be constrained in your capacity to express and be yourself. Your job is to be yourself because everyone is taken. And allow others to be themselves because that’s their job.

Happy Trans Awareness week!

Happy Trans Awareness week!

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